"(Man: Cram!) 24 hours ago, four brave souls were locked up in our Hollywood Highland Cramatouriums. Deprived of sleep, the two teams were each given a huge pile of ridiculous information to study. Trapped in a Hollywood store front all night, they had to resist the urge to sleep, and Cram as many facts as possible into their exhausted brains. (Man: Cram!) No Sleep. No Privacy. No Mercy. Now, we're gonna find out what they've learned, there's 10 Grand ($10,000) on the line. It's time to... (Man: CRAM!)"
"Hello, I'm Graham Elwood, and welcome to Cram. The only show where contestants are given all the answers ahead of time and a whole day of night of tiddly little brains. Now, earlier, our exhausted crammers were brought via sat of iron from their overnight study sessions in a Hollywood store front. They're just arriving now. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the Crammers!" - Graham Elwood
"Ladies and gentlemen, there's no standing or staring around, or resting. Let's get on to Icey with those giant Hamster Wheels and start moving!" - Graham Elwood
"Now, just for making it through the night, I'm gonna start off each of our teams 100 points. Let's see if you can hold on to the points on The Rant. Last night, we gave our crammers two articles to study including (insert articles). Now, (insert team), you won the coin toss. Which article did you choose to study? (insert article choice). We have secretly selected eight keywords or phrases from the article. For every one of them that you mentioned, you'll hear this sound... (ding), and you'll get 10 points. But here's the catch, you must talk continuously/non-stop. Everytime you freeze, stutter, stall, saying 'Um' or 'Uh', or the judges feel you've gone too far off topic, you'll hear this sound... (buzzer), and you would lose 5 points." - Graham Elwood (about The Rant)
"At the end of Round 1, (insert score recap), but for now, both teams must keep their giant Hamster Wheels moving!" - Graham Elwood (to remind both teams that they must keep their Hamster Wheels moving before the first commercial break)
"During the commercial break, Ms. Pickwick is gonna read our crammers some warm and snugly bedtime facts that they've never heard before. They better concentrate because when we come back, there's gonna be a $10,000 Quiz. Ms. Pickwick, off you go/they're all yours." - Graham Elwood (at the final commercial break before the Bonus Round)
"(whispering) Welcome back to Cram. In just a moment, an alarm will go off, and a 60-second clock will start. The crammers will have to run over the (insert 4-feet balance scale) and balance before I can start asking questions. I'm gonna quiz them on the facts that Ms. Pickwick has just read to them. They must get to Level 5 to win, and for every question they get right, they get closer. For every question they get wrong, they fall back. If they can get all the way to Level 5 within 60 seconds, they'll win $10,000. But if any of the 4-feet or any part of the body touches the ground, I will stop reading and start the question again from the beginning. Are you ready? Here we go." - Graham Elwood (about the Bonus Round coming out of the final commercial break)
"That's it for today, but the Crammers for our next show are already loaded into the Crammatoriums. They look pretty fresh now, but wait 'til you see them tomorrow. For all of us here at Cram, I'm Graham Elwood saying, 'If you snooze, you (will) lose.'" - Graham Elwood